I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
