There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
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We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
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