when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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