I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
