her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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