my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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