Got a toothbrush?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
