Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
