so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
