weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
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my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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