I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
