well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I lost the right to judge tonight
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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