I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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