So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
