Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we're making bets on your personal life
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
