you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have post one night stand depression
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