just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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