Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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