Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
PANTIES FOUND
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