I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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