i just wanna soil my oats bro
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
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