I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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