Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
