I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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