hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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