wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
