everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
