Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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