i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
