No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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