I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
