you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize