Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
