I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
