First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
