Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
