But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
