i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
