he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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