i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
