My liver just broke up with me...
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
