Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
