She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
