god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
