I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
