Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
