Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
