His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
