Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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