i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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