textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
