So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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