Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
