): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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