next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
