I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
jump out the window naked night went bad
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
