elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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