They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
