Princesses don't give blow jobs
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
