I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
