conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
