I'd wear matching sweaters with you
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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