I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
