I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Say something about gay babies.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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