what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
