I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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