I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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