How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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