8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
