Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
