She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
