Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
