I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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