HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
