I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize