The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
its not stalking. its research.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
