Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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