if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
